He left in such a hurry last night that I was concerned about him. So I waited little over an hour and then texted him. I told him that I missed him and it hoped you  would be able to stay  and that I love him  and also to please let me know that he was safe. No response.

I wait a little bit, I try to call. He doesn’t answer so I leave a voicemail (something I don’t usually do). I wait a little bit more, send him another text. No response. Anyway, you get the gist of where this is going.

Until finally, the crazy texts start. As usual, I have no idea what went wrong. What I do know is that the man that I love is nowhere to be found. He randomly appears, tricking me into feeling like things might be able to get back to normal. But just as quickly, he is gone and I’m left with the emotional torment that comes from this other person that had taken him over.

It’s killing me to know that I have no future with this man. I will try to get the strength this week to pack up the rest of his stuff so he can pick it up next weekend. Mourning the loss of someone who is still alive and who holds your heart is so damned tough!

I saw a pin that said: 

I wasn’t trying to fix him but I was trying to stand by him while he fixed himself. And I have been cut up on his shattered pieces. I know right now I feel like a broken person because of my broken heart. But the unfortunate reality for him is that he is truly the broken one.

I am a strong person, a Survivor, a Fighter.

Right now I’m doing with anyone with a broken heart would do: I am licking my wounds and morning this loss. I am crying a lot. When I am not crying, I am trying to sleep so I don’t cry. But then I just cry some more. 

It sounds pathetic but it won’t last forever. Like they say, this too shall pass, right? God, I sure hope so. 


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