He’s back today (Friday).  By saying “he’s back”, I mean the man on the other end of the phone is the man I love.  We are both sad that things have gone down the way they have but I think he is going to seek some help with his recovery, at least I hope so.

It’s so strange that even though my heart has shattered into a million and one pieces because of this man, I still only want him to find peace in his life.  I want him to kick this demon’s ass that has been on his back for so many years and be the man he is supposed to be.  Of course, I wanted him to go through all of this with me by his side but that’s just no longer in the cards.

You can only be there for somebody if they want you to be.  It’s difficult to understand that your partner doesn’t want you around because of his memories of his drug-induced delusions that he feels are real.  My brain is absolutely unable to comprehend this, just like his is unable to comprehend that those memories are false.



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