It’s been nearly five (5) days since I have seen him. It’s been nearly two (2) since our last phone “conversation” – if you can even call it that. It was more or less him yelling names at me (mostly whore or crazy b****) and telling me I’m crazy and do nothing but lie. The only contact had been through text and that is at a minimum on both sides. Given his mindset, I’m sure this is for the best.
This angry man I’ve been experiencing is not the man I miss. The man I miss, with the exception of glimpses I’ve had frim time to time, has been gone for a while. I miss his smile, his playfulness, his eyes, his laughter, talking with him, his love, and getting to love him in return. I miss going to bed with him each night, miss him next to me when I wake up. I miss hugging him, kissing him.
He’s coming to get his stuff tomorrow. I don’t look forward to it at all. It’ll likely be this hateful, angry person who shows up at my house. I really don’t know how to handle him like that. His anger at me is not based on real events. You can’t defend or even discuss something that didn’t happen.
The fact is, I just miss the old him, the man I was insanely compatible with and madly in love with. I miss the man who didn’t steal my heart. I gave it to him willingly when he asked for it but he still has a firm grasp on it.
I miss knowing that he’s beside me on this journey we call life. I miss our hearts needing to be together as though they were the strongest magnets in the world. I miss feeling everything is right because without him, nothing does.
