One of my all time favorite guilty pleasure movies is “How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days”. One of my favorite phrases is from a supporting character, Jeannie: “Drama, drama, drama.”
This is what my life is now. One minute I have hope for the future with the man that I love and the next minute, I’m not even sure who he is. He acts like one minute that he wants to be with me but let me have one misstep – such as not answering the phone when he calls (but returning the call in within six (6) minutes) or when trying to absorb him suddenly changing our dinner date, forgetting about that I would be attending a golf tournament that day (something he already knew about so why would I try to hide it now?) I told him I couldn’t leave work early. His initial response: “Really”. Then after a minute or two realized that Wednesday I had the tournament that I volunteer at (real hard work running a margarita machine, LOL!)
The latter is what caused the phone call at work to tell me that I am lying whore. To tell me that he wants nothing more to do with me, that he’s never hated anyone as much as he hates me. He hates me for all the crazy things he says I have done that I have not done and now calls me crazy. I’m a crazy, lying whore. Wow.
I’m just astounded at the amount of drama this man seems to be intentionally creating even though he swears he doesn’t want drama. Even after we get off the phone, him letting me know again that he doesn’t want any part of me, that my p**** wasn’t that good and has now been banged up by “what, 10 guys in the middle of the night?”
I think I will have to confide in a friend finally. I just don’t know how much more I can take on my own. I am beat down by his emotional and verbal abuse. It’s like he has become this horrible bullying monster. He calls me the devil’s sister. I’m no angel but definitely not the devil (or his sister). I’ve tried to stand beside him, as he asked, through thick and thin and especially through his recovery. I have to keep reminding myself that I tried. Of course, it doesn’t ease any of the hurt or pain.
Is this what one gets for falling in love at my age? Well, I think I’ve had my fill of “love” so once I get over this one, I think I’m done. I’m too old for “Drama, drama, drama”.