Today, I hate him. 

He left Friday and hasn’t been back. I sent him texts late last night, after my show, telling him I’d hoped he was there and that I’d hoped he be home sleeping but I got there. I then send him several text this morning telling him that I missed him I loved him and that I hoped he’s okay.

He finally calls. I’m excited. He sounds upbeat. But in the back of my mind, I’m a little unsure. He asked if I had fun last night so I tell him I’d hoped he be there. He just laughed and said “I figured you would have more fun if I wasn’t.”

I waited a moment and then asked how he was doing. This sends him into more laughter. “You’re not even going to address that.” I told him no, that I was not going to dress as negativity. I had told him I wanted him there and he turns it into something negative, so I was not going to address it. 

This town turns into the conversation of how happy he is not being here. He doesn’t feel safe here with me and can’t trust that I’m not sneaking out in the middle of the night to be f****** by 10 guys. He continues ranting, of course will not believe that none of the horrible things he has conjured up about me are not actually reality.

So I tell him I’m done and I hang up.  Then follow with these texts (they look differently depending if they sent as one single or multiple messages) to which he had not reponded, and probably will not ever respond to. There are also small verbiage errors since I was voice texting and not doing a good job of proofreading.

He made it clear today that he wouldn’t be coming back. He made it clear that he does not want to be with me because he thinks I’m a whore and a liar, neither of which are true. I have taken my engagement ring off and placed it with my wedding band along side of his wedding band. My hearts is in shreds.

Maybe I shouldn’t have said some of those things that I did on text. Then again, maybe I shouldn’t of tried to be strong enough to stand beside him through this stuff. All I’m doing is suffering in the process. I feel stupid for having so much hope when they’re clearly was none.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s