After several days of grey, rainy dreariness (and not just metaphorically), the sun has decided to poke her head out today. It’s beautiful outside… spring fever is definitely taking hold.
He’s still sleeping. He did get up for about half an hour last night, ate a full dinner, and sincerely apologized to me for the morning. He talked to me a little about how his demon is doing its best to keep a hold of him. There is truly a battle going on inside of him right now. BUT he is stronger and he knows he can and will defeat this demon that’s been riding his shoulders for so many years.
I swear I can actually see his demon sometimes. Not in the physical sense like in the movies but in other ways. I’ve seen it in his eyes when he’s saying such horrible and nonsensical things to me. I’ve felt it when he lunges at me in the bed thinking I am doing something other than sleeping. I’ve heard him whispering to it in his sleep, responding to whatever this thing is saying to him.
All I can do is continue to pray. I’m not a religious person by any stretch of the imagination. I do not go to church (except on the major holidays). I try to watch Joel Osteen for 30 minutes on Sunday mornings but don’t always do that. I do not follow any sort of religious protocol as I was raised to do.
Except that I pray.
I pray a LOT lately. I pray for strength for the both us – for him to be strong enough to overcome his meth addiction and me to be strong enough to support him through it. I pray for the ability to forgive him and for him to have the ability to forgive himself. I pray for both of us to find the love in ourselves so we can love each other like we want to.
I can honestly say that it is by the grace of God that the two of us have made it this far. I have to believe that his demon will not have a chance, that God will see him to the end of this battle. It’s a battle that he wants to win.