We decided to have a drink after work yesterday before my band practice. Well, originally we were meeting for dinner but he didn’t have much of an appetite still so we decided on drinks.

I was super excited to see him. I’m always amazed at the feeling that overcomes me when I pull up and see him. You couldn’t have knocked the grin off my face with a 2×4! Only wish I could have said the same for him.

We walk in and sit at a window table in the bar area and each order a drink. At first, the conversation struggles. I inquire a little more about the cousin he’d spent the previous night with (whom I’ve only met once) and tell him how much I’d missed him sleeping next to me.

Now, I’m not certain where the transition came but somehow it transitions to him saying I’m shady again and talking about all of the various things that I “keep denying until the end” even though they are things that never happened. Things such as him waking up in the middle of the night and I’m not in bed or in the bathroom but him finding clothes I wore out that night (even though I slept all night) on the bathroom floor. The night he is referencing is the same night he claimed his socks in the bathroom were covered in mud from someone else wearing them outside the previous night. This was also the night that someone must have had sex in his truck.

I (calmly) try reasoning with him again, explaining that I never woke up that night to even go to the bathroom – that I was there beside him the entire night. He says he knows what he saw and that he tried to stay up until I came back but he fell back asleep. He knows he wasn’t dreaming so I’m just lying to him.

The conversation keeps going downhill from here. It’s the same cycle over and over again: him reminiscing over something I’ve allegedly done, me trying to help him see that it never happened, him accusing me of being shady and then being defensive, and me becoming defensive. Things like:

* Faking being a little drunk after drinking nearly a full bottle of wine (how could I possibly have any affect after drinking almost an entire bottle of red wine?)

* Sneaking off in the middle of the night while he’s sleeping (which I was able to do because I wasn’t the least bit inebriated)

* Admitting I would be okay with having a threesome with a hot blonde (I don’t like girls and I’m NOT bringing someone else into my relationship – something he knows)

* Having a guy in our bedroom at night, hiding/laughing (nobody has been in our room at night except us and the dog)

* Marks all over my arms and random bruises all over me from the secret bondage I’m participating in (in all my free time)

* Tan lines that don’t match a tank top line (I’m not even sure what this accusation insinuates… it just doesn’t make much sense to me)

So as we sit in this restaurant, trying to not make our conversation loud enough for everyone else to hear but battling it out over crap that never even happened, the subject matter keeps escalating our emotions in an extremely negative way. At one point he says he’s afraid of waking up five years from now with another dude next to us in bed. WTH? It finally ends with us quietly storming out of the restaurant to all hell breaking loose in the restaurant parking lot as he continues to tell me I am “shady as hell” and that he’s “not crazy or seeing and hearing s***!” like I keep trying to make him feel.

It ends with us yelling at each other, getting in our cars, and me peeling out of the parking lot with tears streaming down my face.

*sigh*

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