So he came home last night. It was supposed to be a good thing. I was finalizing taxes while he ate dinner. Things were quiet initially. Then I finished up and sat on the bed with him, asked him about his day, told him a little about mine. Then I asked him if he wanted to talk.

It quickly went downhill from there.  It started when I decided to remove the cups from my nightstand and take them to the kitchen.  He swore that I had three bullets,  not the ones for a gun, that I dropped in the cups or around the cups. I asked him where they went and all he could come up with was that they just disappeared. I made them disappear. 

Wherever I happened to look in the room, he thought somebody was there. He thought the curtain over the window was moving and accused me of hiding somebody over there. Even when he went and checked multiple times, he thought I had a man watching us.  A man, of course, must be somebody that I’m sleeping with.

He also thinks I’m evil for setting this up, for having these people watch him. I must be evil to go through the effort of setting all of it up just so we could all get a good laugh by making him think he was going crazy. He couldn’t understand that there wasn’t anybody else in the room. He truly thinks that I am just screwing with him.
This morning, even though he slept some last night, he was still talking about the people watching us.  That’s why I couldn’t have sex with him – because the man was watching. 

Then when he said the dog’s name and she didn’t come, he said “oh my God, she can’t move because they’ve drugged her.” I had to tell him nobody’s done anything to her and that she is fine while he walked over to see her bathing herself. Then he left for work. 

He says he is doing less meth than before. I have no way of knowing whether or not that is true. What I do know is that the hallucinations and delusions are getting worse, a lot worse and very quickly. It’s almost like he’s losing touch with reality. He says it only happens around me. It only happens in this house. The problem is with me.

So now I think he is leaving me. I’m so hurt and angry.  I told him last night that I wouldn’t beg him to stay. Also told him that I felt like if he didn’t get some help and didn’t quit, that there was no way we would make it. I just don’t know where you go from here. 


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