I started this blog in hopes to relieve some of my pain and suffering while living with the ups and downs of living with a meth addict.  Unfortunately, it didn’t help. I couldn’t back down on anything today.  I just couldn’t take it.  He kept threatening to leave, but he didn’t.   

Then we were trying to talk things out. I thought he was moving closer to talk to me so I move closer to him.  However, he says the phantom vibrations are back and thst was why he moved toward me but then I suddenly had to move… 

I’m not even sure how it escalated so quickly. Wait, yes I do. I told him he needed to see a doctor.  That’s when he flipped his lid. I tried to explain that if you’re hallucinating this much, you need to see a doctor. He then throws up that I “have a dozen vibrators under the bed”… (I think there’s 5 or 6… most of which we bought together – except the vibrating panties controlled by the man that we’d looked at so I bought them as a surprise. Not that any of that matters). 

My kids were in the next room and all I could think was “OMG, he just said that where my kids could hear him” so I told him to get out. I don’t know they actually heard anything. I’m not sure they even knew we were fighting this time. I guess it was just the straw that broke the camel’s back.

See, he already had a small bag packed from all the threats to leave he’d made earlier today.  I could have backed down. I could have told him that was just mad and wanted him to stay. But I didn’t. Even though I hoped he would would not walk out that door, I didn’t do anything or say anything… I did nothing to stop him.

I’ve cried so much that I can’t breathe. And all of these f****** tears won’t quit falling! I keep watching out the window at every car that passes but none of them are him. 


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