What do you do?  I’m not sure he wants to be with me anyway.  If he did, why would he have been so suspicious all the time? I think he loves me. But maybe that’s my own wishful thinking. What I do know comma instead of hurting. A lot. 

I want to scream! I want to throw stuff! I want to slam my head into a wall until I bleed because I’m certain that would feel better than the pain I’m feeling on the inside!

Wouldn’t it be great if you could fast forward to just beyond the pain? Pain and suffering are supposed to make you stronger. However, I think it makes it harder for you to love and for someone to love you. 

I want to reach out to him but I don’t know which him it would be.  Only one glass of wine so far… not enough liquid courage or pride-smothering alcohol to assist me. I didn’t think I would ever have to spend another night alone without him next to me. That’s what one would think when you commit to spend the rest of your life with someone, right? I’m definitely struggling…

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