There’s nothing in the world like have the man you love wrap his arms around you. Unless it’s at 2 am and he’s patting you down trying to find where the vibrations are coning from. Unfortunately, this has happened on many occasions, more than I cam possibly count!
Sadly but thankfully, he is trying to understand that these sensations aren’t real. Of course, the realization is fleeting. One minute, he seemingly accepts that these aren’t real. Then his next breath is talking about how if he did find something, it’d mean I’d lied to him and been laughing at him… that would be a deal breaker. Next minute, I’m getting frisked as though I was trying to smuggle drugs into a prison.
I mean, hands all OVER my body (and sometimes in it.) It’s humiliating and I feel defiled every time. So why do I succomb to it? Because he doesn’t understand reason during these times. Yesterday, it was in the car. Last night, in the bed. Today, tried to take a nap but had to be strip searched… every inch of me. Then he finally says, “Well, looks like you’re right.” Then walks out as though nothing happened.
I know these vibrations are real to him. He can’t make sense of them NOT being real when they seem so real. He struggles to believe that not only so I not feel them, but that I’m not causing them. For some reason, he thinks I’m the enemy, vibrating everything then lying about it just so I can make a fool of him. I don’t think him a fool. I do think him an addict. And his addiction is taking its toll on us all.